[for Rogue]

[howmanylives]

Nearly five years and countless disappearances later, and one thing still held true for Jamie Madrox: Rogue was the best and closest friend he’d made on the Island.

(Layla, of course, was in a league all on her own.)

So when he needed someone to talk to who wasn’t a voice in his head, Rogue was at the top of Jamie’s list. Weeks later and he was still wrestling with his and Layla’s decision to start trying for kids — or, at least, to stop actively avoiding having kids. He needed an outsider’s perspective, someone without any stake in the matter to give him some reassurance that they weren’t being extraordinarily stupid.

He knocked on the door of her hut, and called out, “Anybody home?”

Comments

[un_gloved]

Rogue looked up from where she sat cross legged in the middle of her floor, which had long ago gone from reed mats to hardwood, and paused her work cleaning the strings one of her now several guitars.

The island was trying to turn her into a country star, she was sure of it. If only people kept their memories of the place once they'd gone.

"Ain't I always?" she called back, smiling a little at the sound of Jamie's voice.

"It's open."

[howmanylives]

"Is that a new one?" Jamie asked, nodding towards the guitar.

He sat down across from her on the floor without further invitation.

[un_gloved]

"Nah, I just gave it a new finish." She'd mixed the varnish herself, taken it apart and put it back together with all the love and care that having limitless free time allowed.

It was blue, now, like a faded version of the ocean blue she could see from her windows. She'd taken her pocket knife and carefully scalloped out a wildflower design along the front panel, up the instrument's curve. She was pretty pleased with it.

"Fills the time." And gave her an excuse to hang out inside where she less likely to run into people she wasn't entirely equipped to, yet.

"How are ya, sugar?"

[howmanylives]

"Good. Good," he said, then winced. He could've sold that a lot better. He pushed a hand through his hair and let it fall back into his lap.

"Just, ah. Thinking about the future, I guess."

[un_gloved]

"Uh oh," she said, angling an eyebrow at him, leaning over the guitar to go back to gently rubbing the cloth along each string.

"Sounds like you're frettin'. Go on, spill."

[howmanylives]

There was no way to ease into the conversation, so Jamie simply hesitated for a moment, taking in a deep breath.

"Layla wants to have kids," he stated plainly.

[un_gloved]

Rogue froze up slightly, then set the rag down and sat back, shifting the guitar in her lap so he could start tuning it.

"And you're freakin' out? Cuz you don't want 'em or cuz you kinda do?"

[howmanylives]

"Both. Neither. I don't know," he sighed, and in absence of anything better to do, he leaned back until his head was pressed against the floor.

"Are we being stupid? 'Cause kids getting left behind after their parents disappear? Seems to be a growing trend."

[un_gloved]

"Well, yeah," Rogue said plainly.

"But you'd be stupid to have 'em back home, too. People in our line o'work don't have easy lives. People who live in New York die in car crashes, people die o'heart attacks, kids get left behind. That's one way to view the world. Th'other is, you love each other and you want a family with each other, and you've been here long enough that you think it's worth takin' the risk you'll be here longer, still. Ain't an easy way to look at it. Except," she said, moving her fingers up the frets as she tuned the next string.

"Except you'n Layla'd have real beautiful babies."

[howmanylives]

Jamie laughed and pressed his hands against his face to hide the quick change in his expression. He thought of the children Layla had told him about, the ones he'd likely never know.

"Yeah?"

[un_gloved]

"Yeah," Rogue said, a little more gently and smiling.

"It would scare the hell out of me, Jamie, if I were you. But if I had with anyone what you've got with Layla, I'd be sore tempted, that's for sure."

[howmanylives]

"One of my dupes had a son," he murmured, slowly letting his hands fall back down to his chest.

"He named him after my father. Daniel." He blinked up the ceiling. "I hated him for a second. For living my life better than I ever could."

[un_gloved]

"That's fair," Rogue said, tone free of judgement. She was self aware enough to know she had trouble with jealousy, always had. It was something she had worked on, and envy still reared up some days.

"Must've hurt something awful, coming up against that. But it's just you, here. You don't have to compete with yourself."

[howmanylives]

"Maybe," he allowed. It wasn't like there was a constant danger of dupes showing up. He sucked in a breath.

"Doesn't mean I'm not terrified."

[un_gloved]

"Course you are. Is Layla? I mean, I know she's the one pushin' for it, but still."

Kids were a big deal. The concept of having a child was so beyond the scope of what Rogue had ever expected from her life that she had genuinely never given it much thought. The few times her daydreams had begun to extend that far the hurt had eclipsed the fantasy and she'd had to retreat into something more grounded.

[howmanylives]

Jamie smiled wanly, letting his head roll to side so he could catch a glimpse of Rogue.

"Yeah, but she's braver."

[un_gloved]

"Then knock her up, chicken shit," she said, grinning fondly at him and extending a leg to poke his hip with her toes.

"Choose love, Jamie," Rogue added, fitting her fingers to the frets and starting to gently pick out a tune with the expertise and ease of a seasoned pro. She'd spent a lot of time on the island, had found a lot of hours that needed filling, and somewhere over the span of six years she'd managed to fill enough of them with practice to become something of a virtuoso.

She was thinking of taking up the ukelele next.

"I know it's terrifying, but so is most of what we've had to face, 'n choose, in our lives. So maybe let yourself choose love."

[howmanylives]

"You'd be an aunt, you know," he pointed out, smiling a little at the thought. Most of his loved ones from home had vanished over the years, but it was a comforting thought to know he still had a little family left over.

"Bet you'd be good at it."

She was the reason he'd lasted longer than twenty-four hours on the Island. The lady had a knack for calming him down.

[un_gloved]

"You kiddin', I'd be the best. Spoil 'em rotten, teach them how to fight and spit and swear and not give 'em one whoppin' with a frying pan. The exact opposite of my aunt," she said, grinning back at him and letting her fingers drag across the strings for a few deep, resonant strums.

[howmanylives]

Jamie laughed, giving her a dubious look.

"You're talking yourself out of a job."

[un_gloved]

"Not a chance," she said, and set the guitar aside carefully before lying down and shimmying over so she was stretched out alongside Jamie.

The ceiling had been bumped up a few times, and now it was wood and beamed and vaulted, and the giant windows that made up her walls kept it reflected the color of the sand and the sky all day. The ceiling fan turned lazily around.

It had taken a while for it to feel like hers, but she loved the place.

"Are you gonna do the trying thing, or are you just going to... see if it happens?"

[howmanylives]

"The second one, for now," he said, reaching behind his head to use his arms as a pillow. He bent one leg, keeping his foot flat against the floor, and crossed one leg over to rest on his knee.

"I've been on that birth control for years. Gotta get it out of my system first."

[un_gloved]

"Mmn," she hummed quietly in understanding and was quiet for a minute.

"I think it's the right choice, Jamie," Rogue said eventually, and turned her head to look over at him.

"I really do."

[howmanylives]

Jamie fell quiet, momentarily entranced by the spin of the ceiling fan. He frowned a little, then met Rogue's gaze.

"I hope you're right."

[un_gloved]

"Me too, but at the end of the day, no one's word matters on this but yours and hers. You know?" She turned her gaze upward again.

"It's what feels right for the two of you. So."